I cannot understand causing oneself to bleed or cutting, but I do understand wanting to cause pain or feel to hurt in order to feel better. I’ve thought about hurting myself, and sometimes I do, such as holding and squeezing my arms tightly. I would never cut myself though. I can’t even imagine doing it. Sometimes I also think about suicide. Not as in dying or killing myself, which it is, but as in not feeling anything anymore and not being aware. That’s what I want to do when I have my ‘breakdowns’ but I would never do it. I don’t think it’s brave. I think it’s taking the cowardly way out of life. I’d miss too much.
This didn’t make sense.
What it did for me was give me a sense of something that I knew about. I wouldn’t kill myself; I just wouldn’t. Like you said, it felt wimpy. I just gave myself cuts, just soaking up the pain as a punishment, of sorts. Why I wanted to punish myself always changed. Sometimes, I get these attacks of emotions that overrun me and it’s like stubbing your toe and hitting your head; your head always hurts more because it has the strongest pain. I would use that mentality and think “Maybe if I just cut a little, I won’t feel the emotions quite as much.”
I can’t quite remember if it ever worked for me.
